The One Where You Suck...

Remember that episode of Friends where it turned out Monica couldn't tell time until she was 13? I know you do because you're L.A.M.E. and as we speak you're wearing double-layered socks, a midriff shirt, a side-pony and a quart of Ben and Jerry's. Well, that's what will happen to your children if you replace your digital Sponge Bob alarm clock with the Anthologie Quartett Catena Wall Clock. Not only will they struggle to decipher the time on what is essentially a bike chain turning around a drill bit, they'll take one crack at pronouncing that product name and start stuttering like Porky Pig. Which is perfect since 99% of them are already fat.